Congratulations! It's a
by FugiriKun
Summary: Izuo; Mpreg; A few weeks after a forgotten night, Shizuo gets an impossible surprise.
1. Chapter 1

**_Okay! So this story is just going to be a fun/silly one. There might be slight angst near the end but for the most part this is going to be a lighthearted story (or at least that's how I'm planning it)_**

**_This is also one from the kinkmeme that I have been writing (and neglecting :P)_**

**_Here's the prompt:_**

_There way too few fics of preg!Shizuo. Omnomnom. _

_So, Shizuo gets pregnant with Izaya's child and even thought it feels impossible to tell Izaya, he must do so. I don't care if they become a couple or not, that's writer's choise. Izaya' just typical himself, teasing Shizuo with his words etc. No limits for genres~ _

_Bonus:_  
><em>- Including some special event, like Shizuo's or Izaya's birthday, an event in Ikebukuro, holiday or something like that, would be nice~<em>

**_So here you go!_**

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><p>"You know Shizuo, I've seen some weird things in my life." Shinra idly rubbed his neck as he looked over Ikebukuro's Strongest Man's blood-work results, "I mean, hell, the love of my life is without head."<p>

Shizuo growled impatiently. "What the hell are you getting at? Am I dying?"

"What? No."

"Then what?"

Shinra sighed and considered his options. He could tell the easily excitable- and angerable- blond exactly what this paper was telling him. He could tell Shizuo that he had gotten the wrong results and have him come back later this week. Or... He could just have Celty tell him.

What to do, what to do?

"Celty~ My darling!"

The two men could hear the padding of footsteps as the dullahan made her way to the examination room where they were located.

"What are you up to?" Shizuo questioned curiously.

_[What is it?] _Celty quickly typed upon entering the room.

"My love," he grabbed a sheet of blank paper and began scribbling onto it, "I am going to write some things down and I need you to tell them to Shizuo."

An annoyed puff of inky black smoke escaped the fairy's neck. She was dressed in pink pajamas, so Shizuo assumed she had been previously asleep.

_[Is there a reason you can't do it? It would be faster if you spoke.]_

Shinra sighed dramatically, "There is a very good reason why I can't do it." He handed the paper he had been writing on to Celty.

The room was still as she read through all of the things the underground doctor had written.

_[You can't be serious.]_

"Just tell him." Shinra pleaded as he moved to hide behind his love.

Celty's shoulders tensed, realizing that her boyfr- _ahem, roommate_- must be serious.

She typed for a long while, then deleted all of it, deciding to tell Shizuo what was going on little by little.

All through this, the ex-bartenders mood began to steadily become sour, "Just tell me already!"

_[Okay. Shizuo, don't be angry.]_

_[Remember it was Shinra who told me to tell you this.]_

If Shinra was one to hit the women he loved he would've smacked her.

The headless riding gestured to the paper the doctor had given her, _[Well it says:]_

_['I know this will be difficult to understand]_

_[but you have always been a strange specimen.]_

_[It never occurred to me that you would have other mutations]_

That gave Shizuo pause, _Mutations? Like a ninja turtle? Am I gonna become a turtle?_

_[but even without the blood-work]_

_[all of the symptoms are there.]_

_[Morning sickness, fatigue, increased appetite.]_

Celty typed out her final message, but hesitated to show the debt-collector. She turned her headless neck towards Shinra as if searching for a way out. The bespectacled man nudged her arm forward. The dullahan's shoulders rose and fell as if she was taking a deep breath.

_[Shizuo you're pregnant.']_

The blond stared at the typed words for so long they began to blur together.

After what what felt like centuries the man's nose scrunched up, "Do you guys realize how unfunny you are right now?"

"It's not a joke!" Shinra balked from his hiding place behind his leading lady, "You're really pregnant. I advise you to contact the fath-"

Shizuo interrupted by shooting off of the examination table he had been sitting on and stomping towards the door. "That's impossible." He stated simply before exiting the doctor's apartment.


	2. Chapter 2

**_Yay Chapter 2~_**

**_Oh and I guess I should put_**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing (because I'm poor)**

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><p>Needless to say, Shizuo was angry. But not for the usual reasons. He was angry at his own confusion.<p>

_How could this be? I know I failed health class, but is it possible that I completely missed the section on male pregnancy?_

That wasn't his only issue. He didn't remember having sex. Ever. As far as he knew he had been a... a _virgin._

Apparently not.

"Contact the father, Shinra says," Shizuo mumbled out loud to himself, "Who could have possibly impregnated me? And without me noticing, too."

He had been so busy contemplating how he had gotten into such a mess he hadn't noticed a worried Tom coming towards him until there was a hand on his chest, stopping him from running his boss over.

"What the fu- Oh, Tom-san. It's you."

"Shizuo, you said you were gonna be in the doctor's office today. What happened?"

Shizuo paled. He couldn't tell Tom. He couldn't tell anyone, "I didn't lie about that. I got out early."

"So..." Tom prompted, "What's the verdict?"

Shizuo gulped, "Umm..." _Lie, dammit, lie,_his mind supplied. "It's just a stomach bug. I should be fine. In fact we should get some work done today."

Tom's brow furrowed. His subordinate was a horrible liar. But arguing with Shizuo was not something he readily partook, "If you're sure." And with that, the two proceeded to make their rounds.

It was a disaster.

The first few houses they'd visited had been easy. Shizuo merely had to growl and make to lunge forward for the debtors to cough up some money. The fifth house, a shoddy little apartment really, held a man who was a bit more stubborn.

Tom had knocked on the door lightly, as he leaned calmly on the door frame. Loud shuffling could be heard from behind the door, "I swear if this is another debt-collector riding my ass, I'm gonna-"

The man froze, as he opened the door. He immediately recognized Shizuo.

"You're gonna what?" Tom questioned coolly.

"I- um- I-" The man fell to his knees and groped at Tom's pant legs, "Please! I just need time! I can get your money! Please, I-"

Tom sighed. He had no sympathy for low lives like him. "You didn't seem to need time when you were talking about what you were gonna do to me a second ago." He glanced over at the blond.

Shizuo growled and reached for the nearest throwable object which happened to be a random couch that had been placed in the apartments hallway who-knows-when. He lifted it with ease and prepared to throw it. And that was when his stomach gave a lurch. And his face turned nearly green. And he broke out into a cold sweat.

"Ehh, Shizuo?" Tom approached, the ex-bartenders frozen form slowly, considering that the man still had a couch lofted over his head. "Are you-"

The blond tossed the couch suddenly- narrowly missing Tom and hitting the man-in-debt squarely in the chest so that he went flying into his apartment and crashed through the wall on the other side- before taking off in a run. He got maybe ten feet before he collapsed onto his hands and feet, spewing the contents of his stomach.

Tom rushed to the obviously ill man's side. "Shi- Shizuo!" He fumbled in his pocket for his phone, "I'm calling a cab to take you home."

The blond grabbed Tom's arm to stop him. "Mmm fine," he slurred, "J'st need nap."

He then rolled onto his side and passed out.


	3. Chapter 3

**_I'm glad people like this. Shizuo is my favorite character (and I like to see him suffer) ahem..._**

**_This chapter is slightly (just barely) ((not really)) longer. My stories tend to get longer as the plot progresses. And whatnot._**

**_So Enjoy~_**

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><p>Tom had to drag the sickly Shizuo to the blonde's apartment. Upon entering, he sifted throught the ex-bartender's pockets and grabbing his cellphone. He found the number for Kishitani Shinra easily in his contacts.<p>

"K- Kishitani-san! This is Tanaka Tom." Tom was nervous. What if Shizuo was deathly ill and only made light of his condition? He would never be able to forgive himself if his kohai was hurt on his watch, "I'm here with Shizuo, you see. He seems to have fainted."

"Fainted?" came a vaguely familiar voice. "I'm on my way. Don't be worried, Tanaka-san."

Shinra arrived relatively quickly on the back of the headless rider's motorcycle. When the two made their way into Shizuo's apartment, Tom found himself being dismissed.

"Don't worry, Tanaka-san," the underground doctor crooned, "We'll take care of Shizuo from here. He'll be fine."

The bespectacled man immediately set to work; taking temperatures, drawing blood, etc. He took note on how the blond was looking: a bit pale and clammy, but relatively healthy. Tom had mentioned something about the bodyguard lifting some furniture, before he left. Shinra was able to conclude that Shizuo's monstrous strength had somehow managed to activate an extreme bout of sickness and he was just dehydrated.

_Shizuo's gonna have to be careful about that from now on, doctor's orders,_ Shinra considered seriously, _He's gonna be pissed._

While Shinra was busy doctoring, Celty had taken to flitting back and forth around Shizuo's room, wringing her hands in a show of nervousness.

"Don't worry, my love. He's fine."

At her roommate/lover/boyfriend's words, the dullahan's shoulders visibly relaxed.

_[Are you sure?]_

Shinra was sure that if she had her head she would be staring apprehensively at the blond.

"Of course I am, darling," Shinra started packing all of his tools, "But just to be sure, we should bring him home with us when he wakes up. I also have some new ground rules to tell him about. Fun, no?"

He certainly wasn't looking forward to warning the pregnant man about his strength. He knew all too well how annoyed Shizuo got when people brought up his issues with self-control.

The doctor glanced over at his sleeping friend as he settled into a chair in the corner of said man's bedroom, _Leave it to you to get pregnant. What are we gonna do with you?_

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><p>Shizuo slept fitfully. He was plagued with blurry memories of a few weeks before.<p>

_He remembered going out for drinks with Tom-san for the older man's birthday. He remembered tasting whipped cream flavored vodka and liking it. A lot. He remembered getting drunk off his ass, along with his sempai, and stumbling out of the bar together. He remembered getting split from Tom and not knowing where the hell he was supposed to go. So he walked and walked. And where he ended up was just a blur._

He remembered fragments of the rest of the night. Simon offering sushi. A cute kitty he had pet. Bumping into someone. Cold hands on his arm. Being pulled really far. His legs being tired. A fur lined-jacket thrown over the back of an office chair. A spacious apartment and a soft bed. A slender body pressing down on him.

Red, red eyes. A sultry smirk.

Izaya.

That's it. It was Izaya.

Izaya who dragged him to bed. Izaya who pushed him down. Who tore off his clothes and made his body sing. Izaya who entered him for the first time. Izaya who filled him with a wet gushing warmth. Izaya's warmth.

Izaya who... Izaya...

Shizuo shot up in bed, startling the other two people present. He didn't question why they were there. He knew that. He could remember passing out.

He could remember... Remember...

He felt sick.

The blond darted out of his bedroom and made a beeline for the bathroom. It was there that he spewed his guts once more. A few seconds later, Celty was there holding his hair back as he released the contents of his already empty stomach.

"All of this vomiting is considerably normal considering your pregnant status, but it's not good for you," Shinra stated matter-of-factly, as he also entered the bathroom, "We're going to bring you to our apartment. We'll make sure you're fed and hydrated. I also have some... other things to tell you when we get there."

By the time Shinra had finished speaking, the bodyguard was done with his puking and had flushed the toilet. He gave his mouth a quick rinse at the sink and didn't protest as he was led out of the bathroom. Celty conjured up a black duffle bag and handed it to him. He quickly shoved a few bartender uniforms into it along with a couple pairs of pajamas.

The three of them road off on Celty's horse-turned-motorcycle. It was an awkward ride, but they made due. Celty drove quickly wanting to get home so she could take care of her friend. Little did she know, the blond man's latest sick episode wasn't really caused by his pregnancy, but by the memory of who the father of his child had to be.

This knowledge made Shizuo want to cry.


	4. Chapter 4

**_I'm so happy everybody is so psyched about this (oh the pressure~ I better make this good)._**

**_And OP! You live! I wasn't expect to come across you here! I hope what I put out is to your liking~~_**

**_(P.S. Shizuo with mood-swings... How could I not? ;D)_**

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><p>"Celty~ I'm hooo~ome!" Shinra closed the front door to his apartment with his hip due to his arms being weighed down with paper bags, "And Shizuo! I brought food!"<p>

He entered his living room and place the bag on the in table in front of the couch. On said couch was a dazed-looking Shizuo with his head on Celty's lap.

Shinra eyed their closeness jealously, "Hmph, if you weren't pregnant, I would be afraid of you moving in on my Celty."

The dullahan took a swipe at the underground doctor , but couldn't reach far enough. She gave up and began stroking Shizuo's hair. Through all of this, Shizuo remained apathetic. He merely stared at the ceiling. He didn't even react to Celty's touch.

_[I'm worried about him.]_

Shinra glanced over the words as he began pulling things out of the bags he brought. Most of it was takeout food, but he also bought some cakes and sweet drinks. It wasn't exactly healthy, but it should keep Shizuo happy. The underground doctor was also worried about the pregnant man's lackadaisical attitude. The blond had been completely out of it since they had taken him in four days ago. The blond hardly spoke at all. Shinra kept his thoughts to himself, though, not wanting to worry his love.

"I wouldn't worry too much about it. At worst, it could be antepartum depression, and that's perfectly treatable."

_[But still!]_

_[Isn't depression harmful for the baby?]_

"If it's not treated. But I've got a handle on this."

_[Are you sure?]_

_[Because if you're lying, I'm gonna-]_

"Stop talking about me like I'm not here." Shizuo growled as he moved to an upright position on the couch.

Celty shoved her PDA into Shizuo's face, _[I tried talking to you earlier, but you didn't answer. You were staring off into space. I thought you were sick]_

The ex-bartender frowned. He didn't remember that. But that didn't mean he was depressed! He was just thinking. Thinking about scary things.

Shizuo took one of the fast food boxes from Shinra and opened it. He immediately scrunched up his nose. Whatever it was was smelt garlic-y and made his stomach turn. He set the box down and went to open another, "I was just thinking."

Celty was surprised. She knew Shizuo wasn't stupid, but to do several days worth of thinking. Now, that was unlike him.

_[What were you thinking about?]_

The bodyguard pursed his lips and squinted his eyes in a slightly constipated expression. He lowered his eyes until he was glaring at the box of lo mein noodle in his hands. Then his shoulders began to shake.

Shinra's face went from confused to horrified as he realized what was about to happen, "Shizuo, are yo-"

Celty was quicker. By the time any words left the doctors mouth she was already pushing him out of the door, _[Go take a walk.]_

And with that she slammed the door in his face.

The dullahan walked back over her couch and sat next to her friend. Her heart throbbed when she saw tears slipping silently down his cheeks. He looked at her and with a shaky voice said, "Thanks for getting rid of him. Don't even know why I'm crying."

Celty had never really spent time with a pregnant people, but she could tell that the blond was having a hormone induced mood swing. _[Tell me what you were thinking about.]_

Shizuo let out a sob, "The baby! And it's father."

The dullahan was torn. She was curious to know who the father was, but obviously Shizuo was distressed about it. She didn't want to upset him more.

_[Are you gonna tell this... guy?]_As Celty was typing, it occurred to her that this made Shizuo gay. She had never thought about it.

"I don't want to!" _But I feel like I should,_Shizuo thought sadly.

_[Whatever decision you make, I'll support you.]_

Celty's words had made the decision of what to do for him, _She supports me. She thinks I'll do the right thing. I have to tell him._

This made Shizuo break into frame-wracking sobs, which set Celty frantically trying to think of how to make him feel better. She settled for soothingly rubbing the blond's back as she awkwardly typed comforting words with her other hand.

Shizuo stood suddenly, his eyes still leaking tears, and declared, "I need to take a walk."

He went over to the apartment door and opened. Shizuo jumped in surprise when he was faced with Shinra, sitting like a hobo in front of the door-frame.

"What's up?" Shinra greeted as if he sat there everyday.

"I'm taking a walk," Shizuo repeated.

"Ah, but it's raining," Shinra gestured towards the street, where it was indeed pouring rain. As if to confirm the doctor's observations, lightning struck and thunder sounded almost immediately afterward. Shinra was inwardly glad that he'd had some cover where he had sat against his apartment door.

Shizuo growled angrily, as if he could scare the rain away, "I don't care! I have to do this!"

He set off down the street, getting soaked immediately.

Celty poked Shinra's shoulder and then pointed at Shizuo. The doctor caught on quickly and shouted, "Shizuo wait! Celty wants your attention!"

The blond turned and was able to see the dullahan conjure up a black umbrella with her shadows and toss it towards him. He caught it easily and nodded his thanks. The pregnant man opened it and sighed contentedly as he was shielded from the rain. Now he could focus. He had a house call to make.


	5. Chapter 5

_**Been MIA for a while... Sorry unu**_

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><p>By the time Shizuo made it to Izaya's Shinjuku apartment, he had lost a lot of steam.<p>

When he first set out, leaving Shinra and Celty behind, he had gathered all his courage with the intent to walk right up to Izaya and tell him... well, everything. Now, he stood in front of that flea's door and debated whether or not to knock. He couldn't make himself lift his hand to do so no matter how much he convinced himself.

Eighteen minutes. That's how long Shizuo stood in front of the other man's door, with heavy rain as the soundtrack to his dilemma. Twenty-two minutes. That was when Shizuo lost his nerve. All of it.

He got back on the apartment complex elevator and when back down to the ground floor. He walked swiftly through the lobby and back into the pouring rain, intending to run back to Celty and Shinra's.

Of course, Shizuo's luck would have a saccharine voice call out to him, "Oh~ Could that be Shizu-chan~?

The blond would've facepalmed if he wasn't so busy clutching the umbrella Celty had given him like a lifeline. He was still soaked despite the thing, but he found it comforting.

Izaya advanced on Shizuo like a jungle cat on the prowl. "I was in Ikebukuro the other day." The brunette calmly glanced down at his nails as if nothing really mattered. As if they weren't both standing in the rain, "Imagine my surprise when there's no monster ruining my day. I could've done a dance."

The ex-bartender realized as the informant spoke. _He doesn't know._ He hadn't realized it before then, but he had been expecting the brunette to just _know._Not for any reason other than that the man knew everything. He had expected that louse to know all about his problems and be lying in wait for him to humiliate himself.

But it was not so.

And Shizuo was frozen stiff.

"So why are you here, Shizu-chan?"

Shizuo was broken out of his reverie to see that the raven-haired man was _extremely_close all of a sudden. His mouth went dry.

"Are you here to beat me up again?" Izaya continued.

The bodyguard was lost. Izaya was so close. And all he could think about was the blurry flashes of _that night._

The brunette smirked knowingly, "Oh, I know," he chuckled lowly. "You've come back for more."

_You're so wrong it hurts,_was Shizuo's only thought. But still he didn't stop the other from grabbing his wrist and pulling him back into that elevator. He didn't stop him from pushing him into that upscale apartment. And he surely didn't stop him from pushing him down onto that bed. That soft bed that he was way too familiar with.

Once they were horizontal, Izaya immediately set to work. He lavished kisses along that larger man's neck as he unbuttoned the soaking wet vest and white shirt. Once he got those off of the blonde's shoulders he covered them with nips and licks. When the brunette lowered his mouth to Shizuo's nipples, the blond let out a high keening sound.

"Ah. So sensitive," the informant teased.

The ex-bartender didn't bother replying and focus on breathing correctly.

The raven got steadily lower and lower, his tongue leaving a wet trail down the length of Shizuo's torso.

It was when he reached the blonde's navel that he spoke again. "Ne, Shizu-chan is getting a bit pudgy." He giggled as if he had just told a particularly amusing joke. He hadn't noticed the way the blonde's body stiffened.

All of a sudden there was a bubbling in Shizuo's chest. And he felt angry. But not a kind of angry he usually felt. It was a kind of angry that made his stomach feel sick. And Izaya that asshole, that _flea._ How dare he. Yeah... how _dare_he?!

"You..." Shizuo had troubled gathering the words to adequately address the injustice he felt.

Izaya looked up at the bodyguard from where he was poised over his belly. He smirked, "Don't worry, Shizu-chan. You're getting old! There's no shame in growing love-handles."

Shizuo squinted dangerously down his chest at the other man, "_You..._"

The brunette began cackling, Was Shizu-chan really about to get uptight about a joke?

Indeed he was.

"You... _ASSHOLE!_

The words were punctuated with a loud, resounding slap.

The brunette touched his now stinging cheek. It was hot to the touch. But he was astounded. When was the last time he had been slapped like that? He'd been punched plenty. But slapped? By Shizu-chan?

When the informant snapped back into focus, Shizuo was clutching his clothes to his chest looking wounded.

"What the hell was that, Shizu-chan?"

The blond glared at him darkly, "You just called me fat!"

Izaya rolled his eyes. _Oh, please,_"I called you pudgy, not fat."

"Same damn thing, louse!" Shizuo bristled, wanted to slap the informant again.

The brunette rolled off of the bed and took a few steps towards the other man, "I'm sorry. I must've missed the day you turned into an insecure, teenage girl."

Shizuo felt his hackles raise, _Oh you were there. It was the day you fucked me._"I don't see why you had to point that out, asshole. I must not be too pudgy, if you brought me to your bed."

"Oh, please." Izaya scoffed, "As if I'd bring you to a bed I sleep in. I'd have to burn it. This is the guest room."

_Ouch,_ Shizuo thought, _that kind of hurt. Like a lot._

"T-then, I'll just leave!" Shizuo winced when his voice trembled.

The informant shrugged, "Then leave."

_Ugh,_ the ex-bartender's eyes were starting to burn, _That hurt too. Why is this affecting me so much?_

"You'd just let me leave?" It was astounding how Ikebukuro's Fortissmo could sound so small.

"Well, why would I fight to keep you here? I can get laid anytime I want."

Shizuo felt like hyperventilating. What did he care about that flea's hurtful words? Why did his chest hurt so much? And why did he really feel like he needed a hug?

"Because..." the blond began timidly.

Izaya sneered, "Because?"

Now that just pissed him off, "Because I'm carrying your damn baby, you dick!"


	6. Chapter 6

"Izaya?"

"Oh hi, Shinra!"

Shinra squinted at his alarm clock. The numbers were blurry and he couldn't see the time due to the fact that he didn't have his glasses on, but he knew it had to be some ungodly hour of the night. Or perhaps the morning.

"What do you want, Izaya? I'm trying to sleeeep."

He heard a chuckle from the other end of the line, "Well, you see. I'm a bit concerned. As I'm sure you know, it is very late at night."

Izaya paused dramatically, and Shinra felt his annoyance rise. He just couldn't keep up his happy persona when he was tired. He stared jealously at Celty's sleeping form as she rolled over.

"Yes. It is in fact very late," Shinra agreed. "So late that I would rather be sleeping than talking to you."

"Haha, oh you," Izaya giggled, "Would you mind telling me why Shizu-chan is in my home claiming to be carrying my child? Did you do an experiment on him that broke his brain?" Izaya's voice began to show irritation with each passing word.

Even so, that got Shinra's attention. Izaya is the father? Of all people? Could it be?

"Well, actually, I can vouch and say that Shizuo is definitely one hundred percent pregnant. I didn't know who the father was. Well, now I know."

Shinra could hear a loud huff and a crash.

Izaya growled and mumbled something. He then scoffed incredulously, "You can't be serious."

"I'm afraid I am. Now if you'll excuse me." Shinra hung up without waiting for Izaya's reply.

He looked over at Celty. She would not be pleased with the news. Not at all.

~ ~ ~

Shizuo glared at Izaya as he spoke on the phone to Shinra. The blond had his arms crossed and his face twisted into a scowl.

Izaya. How dare he call Shinra? Did he think Shizuo would lie about such a thing? Did he think Shizuo was stupid?

Apparently yes. Yes, he did.

This made Shizuo slam his fist down on Izaya's coffee-table. When Shizuo had made his confession, the two of them had migrated to Izaya's living room.

Izaya eye twitched. "Brutish protozoan," he mumbled under his breath before sneering into the phone, "You can't be serious."

He paused and Shizuo guessed that meant Shinra was talking. Then Izaya pulled the phone away from his ear and glared at it.

Then the brunette turned and glared at the pregnant man, "Were you _trying_ to break that?"

Izaya nodded to the wooden pieces that had once been the aforementioned coffee table.

"You had to go and call Shinra?" Who the hell did Izaya think he was? "You thought I was joking? If I say I'm pregnant, I'm fucking pregnant."

Izaya rolled his eyes, "I guess a single-celled organism, such as yourself, wouldn't understand why I would be concerned that someone I have come to know as being a _man_has come to tell me he is having my baby." Izaya looking down his nose at Shizuo, "I guess that explains the years of horrible temperment. Estrogen can do that to a person."

Shizuo twitch and grabbed a large piece of former-table. He broke it in half, "I'm not a woman!"

"I think I, of all people, would know that best." He stalked closer to Shizuo, who was beginning to tense. When he was standing in front of the blond, Izaya reached out and skimmed his fingers along Shizuo's twitching stomach, still bare from their earlier undressing. The red-eyed man smirked, "I suppose it wouldn't be too bad. Imparting the fruit of my loins upon this world. More me for everyone, ne?"

Shizuo snorted, "Everyone'd be doomed."

Izaya ignored the comment, "Too bad my doppleganger has to have your DNA as well. Oh well, I suppose beggars can't be chosers. Not that I would ever beg."

"Hopefully, for everyone's sake, the baby'll be nothing like you," the ex-bartender snarled.

"As if anyone would be safer if it was like you," Izaya snickered. "Speaking of which, I'm surprised you haven't picked up my couch and thrown it yet."

The blond's nose scrunched up, "It makes me sick. Shinra told me not to." Shizuo was indeed having the urge to pelt things at Izaya, but the threat of vomiting again made him try his hardest to hold back.

The brunette looked up at the other man's face before sighing, "Well, what am I supposed to do with you?"


	7. Chapter 7

Shizuo slept over that night. He slept in the guest room, not wanting to be near Izaya.

"You say that as if I was dying to sleep with you, Shizu-chan~" Izaya smirked, "Who showed up at whose house unannounced, hmm?"

"Fuck you, louse," was Shizuo's only reply.

The blonde slept fitfully that night. It was odd to be in Izaya's house. Wait! What the hell was he thinking about?! It was weird that he had a baby in his stomach. A parasite's baby in his stomach! How the hell was the kid supposed to come out anyway?!

Shizuo laid there pondering this for who knows how long, but, by the time he finally felt settled down, Izaya was at the door.

"Shizu-chan~ Wakey-wakey! It's 9 o clock!"

_The fuck?_

Shizuo hadn't slept at all, and it was already 9:00?

"Shizu-chan, come feed our baby," Izaya whispered directly into Shizuo's ear. The only thought that the blonde was able to process was _close, too close, uncomfortably close_. He lashed out, swinging his arm backwards with hopes of smacking Izaya across the face.

He was not so lucky. Izaya leaned away at the last moment, and Shizuo's hand merely collided with air.

Shizuo growled and rolled over to face the eerily smiling informant.

"Shizu-chan, come have breakfast with me!"

The blonde glared before reaching into his pockets. They came away empty. _Fuck, no cigrettes._

He scrubbed his face with his hands before mustering up his calmest voice, "Izaya, could you get me so cigarettes from the convenience store."

Izaya was curiously silent.

Shizuo waited for an answer a while before pulling his hands away from his face.

The brunette expression was a hideous contortion of horror and disgust, "Heavens no! Think of the baby!"

Shizuo jolted. He hadn't really thought about it, but being pregnant meant he couldn't smoke. He couldn't drink, not that he wanted to drink _ever again_, and he already couldn't throw things. What would his life come to?

Izaya grabbed Shizuo by the arm and tugged him off the bed, "Don't think too hard, Mommy. You'll pop a blood vessel!"

"Don't call me 'Mommy'. And you calling me stupid?" Shizuo yanked his arm away and walked out of the room himself. Downstairs at the kitchen table, were two plates, each filled with omelettes with a glass of milk beside them. Beside one glass of milk were two white pills.

Shizuo picked up a pill. "The hell is this?"

"Prenatal vitamins! Crucial for the growth of little Iza-chan!"

The ex-bartender frowned, "Don't call it that. And why the hell would I take any kind of pill from you? You might try to poison me! I'll get whatever I need from Shinra."

Izaya frowned, crossing his arms, before smirking, "That's good! Be wary of everything like a good mommy! All for the baby's safety, ne? But still. Why would I try to kill my own seed?"

"The hell should I know? You're fucking crazy!" Shizuo thought for a moment, "I read somewhere that black widow spiders eat their husbands. You could be that kind of crazy."

The information broker chuckled before placing a hand on the other man's arm, "I didn't know you could read!" He held up a hand before Shizuo could yell, "But anyway, you can trust me. I wont kill you while you are carrying my child. In fact, there's a truck outside with all of your things. I can protect you better if you live here with me. Temporarily, of course."

"Wha-?" Shizuo dashed past Izaya's desk to look out of the window, and indeed there was a moving truck idling down below, "How did they get the stuff out of my place?!"

Izaya, always one step ahead, was already holding up a duplicate of Shizuo's house key, when the blond turned to glare at him, "You underestimate me, Shizu-chan."

The blonde seethed and had to hold his breath, lest he pick up Izaya's desk and trigger unwanted morning sickness.

He took several deep breaths. At first he started to feel calmer, but then he started to feel heavier. His throat started to burn. He buried his face in his hands and, before he knew it, he was sobbing quietly.

"Ne, Shizu-chan?" Izaya leaned down in an attempt to, maybe, see through the pregnant man's fingers. "What's the matter? Shocked by my brilliance? I bet you're wondering how I got my hands on your original house key!"

Shizuo turned away from the brunette quickly in an attempt to hide. He just barely managed to choke down his cries, but he couldn't hide the way his shoulders shook.

This Izaya noticed. "Uh, Shizu-chan? Are you-?"

Shizuo couldn't hold it anymore. He wailed.

Izaya was baffled, and he waved his arms in panic. He could handle many a strange thing, but a crying Shizuo was something he'd never be prepared for, "Shit! What did I do?"

"Why-?!" the blonde blubbered, "Why do you hate me so much? Why do you always do this to me? Am I so horrible a person that you have to make my life a living hell?"

The brunette was taken aback, "Excuse me, Shizu-chan, but was it not you who claimed you hated me the first time we met?" He sounded a bit annoyed.

Shizuo looked at him with teary eyes, "I said I _didn't like you_! I didn't say I _hate_ you!"

Izaya rolled his eyes, "Same thing."

"It's not the same thing!"

_Ahh, such a woman, Shizu-chan_, Izaya couldn't help but think. "Okay! You're right!"

"I-! Wait, I am?" Shizuo stopped mid-yell.

_And just like a woman, correctness satisfies you._ Izaya grinned, glad to have the situation back under control, "Yes! I was wrong! I'm sorry, Shizu-chan."

"Oh," the debt-collector's crying stopped, and he felt refreshed, "Oh, okay." He went over and took a seat at Izaya's table. He seemed to have forgotten his earlier protests and took the two prenatal vitamins with a gulp of milk before setting to work on his omelettes.

The informant watched him curiously and had a seat across from the other man. _Mood swings already?_ Izaya mused, _And he's so subdued afterwards._

Izaya ran his fingers through his short locks in exasperation but didn't say anything more. He didn't want to aggravate the situation.

He'd just have to have a talk with Shinra about this... predicament.


	8. Chapter 8

"Shizu-chan."

"Hng?"

"Wake up."

"Guh... No."

Shizuo groaned as Izaya continued pestering him. Poking and prodding at his sides while urging him to get out of bed.

"Go away," the blond pulled the covers up over his head.

But anyone who knew Orihara Izaya knew that he was not one to be ignored.

He yanked the covers completely off the bed.

"Rise and shine~" the informant cooed, "Shinra is waiting for us!"

The debt-collector huffed and fixed a glare on the brunette, but Izaya was not perturbed.

"Get dressed, Shizu-chan! You have one hour!"

And with that, the information-broker left the room, closing the door behind him.

Three days.

He had had Shizu-chan living in his apartment for three days. It was so tiring.

Shizu-chan was always in an awful mood. He sulked around the apartment and lazed about. It felt like he had been living there for months.

_And I have to put up with it for nine months?_Izaya thought with dread.

Dealing with Shizu-chan had become somewhat of a chore. If it was up to Izaya he'd just ignore the man. But no. For the sake of the future Orihara baby, he'd keep Shizu-chan happy and out of trouble.

Izaya lingered near the door, waiting for the blonde to come down stairs. What was taking so long?

Just as Izaya convinced himself that Shizuo might have slipped back into bed, the blonde came, shuffling down the stairs tiredly.

"There you are!" Izaya chirped.

Shizuo grunted in reply.

Well this was looking to be a productive morning.

"Usually, I'd wait until a later date to take an ultrasound- around eight or nine weeks- but since this is... an unusual pregnancy, I'd rather keep a close eye on it," Shinra explained as he rubbed freezing cold clear gel onto Shizuo's taut stomach.

"Ah," Izaya started, "So how often will you want to look?"

"Every other week at least," he answered without even looking at the brunette.

Shizuo shivered and cursed softly as the gel covered his belly. There was a slight pressure as Shinra pressing the wand against the blonde's abdomin.

Shrina turned his attention to the small screen he had bought just for this occasion. It sat on the nightstand next to his 'examination bed'. All three men turned their attention to it as grey blotches showed up on the screen.

"Well, would you look at that?" Shinra chirped happily.

Shizuo scowled. Look at what? Those little grey specks? "What is it?"

"Well," Shinra leaned toward the screen. "Right there is your- well, I guess not uterus. It's shaped kind of the same, but I can tell it's something else."

Izaya hummed curiously, "Do you think that'll affect the baby's health?"

"I'm not sure yet," he mumbled, "But look! There's your baby!"

It was just a little dot. It was hardly visible and Shizuo was almost positive that it was just a trick of the light.

But, even so, he couldn't stop the small smile that broke out across his face.

Then the door opened.

It was Celty.

"Ah~ My honey! Look! It's Shizuo's baby!"

_[What's he doing here?]_she quickly typed.

Her helmet was facing Izaya. And her stance was tense. If Shizuo didn't know better, he would think she was about to pounce.

But, judging by the way the informant's eyes narrowed and his hand slipped into the pocket of his fur-lined jacket, Shizuo's thoughts weren't far off.


	9. Chapter 9

_**Look at me doing things in a timely manner. Well, here's another uwu**_

* * *

><p>"Hello, hello~" Izaya couldn't stop himself from provoking the faerie. If he didn't he wouldn't be Izaya Orihara.<p>

Shizuo growled lowly, "Cut it out. This ain't the place for that shit."

Shinra looked at him as if he had grown a second head… Or was like pregnant or something crazy like that. "Ah… Shizuo, I never thought you'd be the voice of reason. Maybe being a mommy will do you so—Ghk!"

Without missing a beat Shizuo sent a fist careening at the underground doctor's solar plexus. That shut him up. "Don't call me a mommy."

The dark haired informant snickered mockingly, his attention averted almost completely from Celty, who still seeming liable to attack.

She stomped her foot, her fingers flitting furiously across the keypad of her PDA.

_[Who let him in here?]_ She shoved the screen into Shinra's face, ignoring the fact that he was doubled over in pain. He was too busy trying to catch his breath to actually answer.

If she had a head she would have probably been grinding her teeth. She erased a modified her question.

_[What are you doing here?!]_ This time she turned the screen to face the informant himself.

Being the difficult son of a bitch he is, Izaya found himself almost physically incapable in replying in a mature manner, instead opting to shrug and smirk as he leaned in close to Shizuo's side, laying a hand on the blonde's pudgy, gelled stomach, much to the ex-bartender's chagrin. Shizuo frowned down at the hand on his belly, as if he could make it disappear simply by glaring it at.

With their attentions elsewhere, both Shinra and Shizuo missed the way Celty bristled, removing her yellow and blue helmet and exposing the irritated puffs of black escaping her neck.

_[Get away from him!] _

"Celty, Celty…" Izaya grins, his eyes narrowing, "Don't you think Shizu-chan here would be the one flipping out if my being here was a problem?"

Shizuo snorts. Izaya's being there wasn't not a problem. The blonde looks up at his headless friend, his gaze softening. "Celty… Sorry."

The headless rider lowers her PDA, her shoulder tense in question.

Shinra, who had until then been hunched over, his ability to recover from Shizuo's hit partially due to the fact that the underground doctor avoided physical activity. He coughed a few times before managing to speak up.

"C-calm down, darling," The bespectacled man rubs at his chest and winces, "Izaya has been taking care of Shizuo. He's the papa."

The pregnant blonde grunted, shoving his shirt down over his still gooey tummy and pushing off of the examination table he had been sprawled out on. "A-alright, enough o' this! We done here? I think yes."

"Shizu-chan!" Izaya reached out to help the debt collector up, but was smacked away for his troubles. The red-eyed man wasn't above pouting, and he made sure Shizuo knew it.

With a scoff, the blonde approached Celty, his _real_ friend.

Shizuo rubbed the back of his head, giving the headless woman an apologetic look, "I shoulda told you first, I guess, huh?"

That was all it took to ease some of the tension in her shoulders. She supposed that if Shizuo was calm about this, then she should be too. Even so, she still glared suspiciously at the informant—or she would have, had she been with head.

_[Be careful, Shizuo.]_

She held her PDA up so only the blonde could see.

_[Whatever you do, don't let that weasel manipulate you.]_

Shizuo nodded, sure that Celty knew what she was talking about. "Got it."

While she was distracted, Shinra took it about himself to "sneak" up behind the faerie and hug her—judging by the way she tensed, the sneaking was a failure. The doctor began corralling her towards the door, "Come on, honey~ Let's let the parents have a chat!"

Celty was hesitant but eventually let herself be pulled away, elbowing Shinra harshly in the side and showing the screen of her PDA over her shoulder without turning back.

_[Don't you pull me around!]_

The doctor coughed and smiled good-naturedly, probably due to noticing the flustered puffs of smoke leaving his love's neck. "Yes, dear!"


End file.
